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The Desire To Feel Better About Oneself

There is a very basic human need: 

The desire to feel better about oneself.

Everybody has this need. And there are four ways in which people act on this need.

  • #1 is focusing on achieving, success, accomplishing difficult goals, and breaking out of your orbit.
  • #2 is charity and sacrifice. We feel better when we are helping others.
  • #3 is buying things that will make you feel better. Trying to get a piece of a life you could have achieved by taking the first path if it wasn’t so damn hard to take the first path. That’s why you see people during the middle-life crises buying extravagant sports cars, which are above their general lifestyle (versus starting million-dollar companies if they haven’t done so already, which would be group #1).
  • #4 is criticizing others to make ourselves look better. This group likes to troll people online, and criticize and judge in real life. They like to blame. If you ever received a troll comment, it’s not about you. It’s about them trying to make themselves feel better.

What makes the FIRMSconsulting community very special is it is a community of people who mostly fall into group #1. 

Path #1 is the hardest. It is done the least and by the fewest. 

Most of the population fall under #3 and #4, which are the easiest ways to make oneself feel better. 

Just look around you, and you will see it for yourself. 

People buy things to make themselves feel better, instead of re-orienting their life so they would not need the escape. But that one is benign. They are not hurting anyone, except defunding their future. 

The #4s are another story. This is a group that tries to feel better by putting other people down.

Now group #4 hates group #1. 

For obvious reasons. 

Expect it. 

Every achievement you have shows the #4s their level of mediocrity and highlights for them their unsatisfactory life. 

Use their blaming and attempts to put you down as evidence that you are standing tall and leading.

In Wing Chun, you are taught to use the energy of your opponent for your benefit. 

So when the #4s shower you with disapproval, don’t go and hide in the shed. Come out and enjoy the rain dance. Use the energy of their disapproval to go after even bigger goals. 

There are five principles that form the basis of Wing Chun:

  • Simplicity. 
  • Directness.
  • Practicality.
  • The economy of Movement.
  • Minimum Use of Brute Force.

Those principles seem to be good advice on how #1s should deal with #4s.

Your job as a leader is to remain in the driver’s seat of your life. 

Don’t allow the #4s’ sad and ignorant envy to create limiting beliefs in your mind that can keep you back for years.

Don’t ever allow the #4s to nudge you off your driver’s seat with their disapproval of you and anger towards you, while they are blaming you to explain away their unsatisfactory existence. 

And for those #4s you need to interact with in your life or career, improve your executive presence and communication skills to the point so you can get so far apart from them in performance and level of gravitas that they no longer will feel comfortable hating you, and instead may get inspired to follow you and in your steps.

Apply now to join the Speak Without Limits coaching program [Closing Soon].

Learn more here: https://www.firmsconsulting.com/blog/executive-presence/

Take care,


P.S. Changing the way you speak and structure your communication requires time and effort, but I believe it is the most important skill you can build. (VIP or Elite). 

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