How to forgive yourself

I work with many senior clients. Executives at major banks, managers, principals, partners at consulting firms, managers and above at large tech companies, entrepreneurs, etc. Because StrategyTraining.com and the programs within our mentoring programs already have very thorough skills training, our mentoring 1:1 calls are often focused on implementation. And implementation requires removing all obstacles that are keeping clients from getting results. One emotion that I find causes the most damage to clients’ lives is a feeling of guilt and an inability to forgive themselves. Here is a video I recently created on how to forgive yourself.

Star Wars has a lot to teach us about life. I watched every movie the first time over the last few weeks. In Star Wars, you can see a repeating pattern of the Jedi blaming themselves for failure and punishing themselves (knowingly or unknowingly) for it. And, at the same time, abandoning people who need them. Obi-Wan Kenobi went into exile after he “failed” Anakin Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker went to the dark side because, among other things, he couldn’t forgive himself for allowing his mother to die. Yoda, the head of Jedi counsel, thought it was ok for him to punish himself and go into exile at a time when his wisdom and skill to use the Force for good were needed more than ever. Then Luke Skywalker repeated the pattern by going into exile after he “failed” his nephew, Ben Solo, who turned (really was pushed by Luke) to the dark side.

Blaming yourself and punishing yourself is one of the most dangerous things you can ever do in your life. I recorded a video on how to stop doing this and forgive yourself.

In my work with clients, I often see clients held back because they can’t forgive themselves for something. It can be for not being strong enough and leaving a toxic workplace before they had another job ready to go to. It can be for not being with their loved one when they passed.

Blame and guilt always come with punishment. And you can do a lot more good for the world, for your family, and for your organization, if you are not punishing yourself.

When we forgive ourselves, we allow ourselves an opportunity to redefine ourselves. You will not change until you can see yourself differently. And you are not going to see yourself differently if you continue to hold yourself to former failures. And it is only a failure if you quit and stop trying. As long as you keep trying, you have not yet failed. You can only decide if you have failed on the day you pass away, when there is no more time to fix things.

When you forgive yourself, there will be boldness and confidence that arises in you. And, as Yoda in Star Wars said, “The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what we grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.”

You’ve got to forgive yourself before you can believe in yourself. You can watch my video on how to forgive yourself here.

I hope something I said today will sink into your heart and set you free.

Take care,

Kris Safarova

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